It's like being hungry.

Have you seen "Then She Found Me" from 2007 with Helen Hunt and Colin Firth? I can relate to several scenes in this movie; scenes that depict feelings I've had but haven't been able to explain, or haven't wanted to.

Warning! Spoiler!

Hunt's character April is pushing 40 and has longed for a baby for years. She explains that it's like being hungry. That is exactly it! Something is terribly wrong, you might not even know what exactly. Having children is an inert need. If women didn't feel so strongly about it, why would they subject themselves to the pain and risks involved in pregnancy, delivery, and nursing? Not to mention the lifelong commitment of being a parent? Without those strong feelings, mankind would have died out a few thousand years ago. Don't underestimate them!

Another scene I could identify with was when April was at the doctor's office for IVF treatment (you know, to have a test tube baby). April is a woman of faith and prayed often and yet she didn't want to pray to God about this, the most important event of her life. Finally, she has to admit, perhaps to herself, that she feels let down by God. It seems like she doesn't dare invest emotionally in a prayer that might not be answered.

Some time after my trial was over, I remember feeling that it would have helped me if I had continued to have faith in the atoning and comforting power of Jesus Christ to heal my broken heart. I don't blame myself for giving up, I just think it is too bad I didn't hang in there since I know I wouldn't have fallen so low if I had. My hardship would have been so much easier to bear if I hadn't felt so lonely. If I had daily sought comfort in the scriptures and in prayer I would have felt more loved, more peace.

I still feel a little lost. My life was on hold for so long, it takes time to pick up the pieces but now I have the tools, the energy and most of all the motivation I need to get back on track.